"How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?”

"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English.”

"Son, a woman is a lot like a… a refrigerator! They’re about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and … um … Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!”

"God bless those pagans.”

"Everyone knows rock n’ roll attained perfection in 1974; It’s a scientific fact.”

"Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?”

"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?”